Sing Me To Sleep
by whit love
Summary: This is a two shot about Santana and Brittany dealing with each other as well as with Finn's passing after Santana's meltdown during If I Die Young.


_**Santana Lopez | Lima, Ohio**_

_Where are you when I needed you the most?_

Santana looks at the screen for a couple of minutes, deciding either or not to send it to Brittany. Part of her wants to slam her best friend for not coming back to Lima for the memorial and for _her_. She needed Brittany's support, goddamn. But then again, it's Brittany. She can't be mad at Brittany for more than 5 minutes.

She then decides to erase the whole text and look at the quiet auditorium instead. Finn's jacket is still covering her shoulders like Kurt left it hours ago. And Santana can't help but feel so small inside it. Finn was a big guy but it's not that kind of small she feels. It's the kind that makes the heart hurt and the throat close and great performers break down in songs.

Tears start streaming down her rather hot cheeks again and she holds the jacket as tight as she can. It's warm and cozy but not the kind of warmth she needed. Even though she sent everyone away from her and even asked Kurt to leave her alone, what she truly needed was someone who would stay against her wishes. Someone who knew how to take care of her heart and make her feel warm, not the cold hearted bitch feeling she gets all the time.

She needed someone like Brittany. So she picked her phone again and dialed Brittany's number, ready to call her but her courage goes away as fast as it came. Brittany's name is still the same as before.

_My B-Unicorn (heart icon)_

Suddenly she feels like the whole air was taken away from her and someone punched her so hard in the chest that her heart is now stuck on her back bones. She's been telling herself to change Brittany's name on her phone over and over again but she always forgets. Or maybe deep down she really don't want to change it. Because changing means it is real, they're not together anymore. And yet Santana has to accept that reality soon if she ever wants to date Dani.

"Oh Dani… Oh god… What am I doing?" She mumbles between sniffs and looks for Dani's number in her contact listen but she can't call her either. Dani would never understand, right? They just meet, how would she understand that Santana is sad about someone she was a bitch all the time?

Santana takes in a deep breath and clears her tears with one of Finn's jacket sleeves, scrunching her face in a very silly smile for doing something so childish.

"Sorry about this, squishy tits, but as you may see, I have no tissues." Another deep breath. "And now I'm talking alone. Great Santana, just fucking great…"

She looks at her phone again, feeling the second wave of tears coming for her and she just types as fast as she can, sending it without giving a second thought about it.

_Where are you, B? xoxo –S_

* * *

_**Brittany S. Pierce | Boston**_

"Is everything okay?"

"Uh… Yea, sure."

"Hum… I'm going to eat your muffin, Britt…"

"Sure."

"I'm going to jump of a bridge, Britt."

"Yea, sure."

"Brittany!"

"What?!" Brittany slams her hands on the table almost crushing her phone and staring right into her friend's eyes. She fells a nut in her throat and starts blinking really fast but it's already happening. There's no way to hold it in anymore. The tears are falling from her deep blue eyes and she clutches her hand tight around the phone.

"Fuck…" Her friend kicks back her chair and runs to Brittany's side, holding her close and placing small kisses on the top of the blonde's head. "It's okay Britt, it's okay. Do you wanna go home?"

"Please…" The blonde whimpers so softly it sounds almost like a hurt kitten looking for his mommy.

Alice reaches the other chair to grab her purse and whistles so the waitress sees the dollars she left on the coffee table to pay the bill. "And keep the change, buy some eyeliner and thank me later!" She yells to the waitress girl who seems deeply confused, turning to Britt who's already getting up, hands covering her face. "Oh screw it." She lowers down a bit and grabs Brittany by the waist, picking the blonde up on her shoulder to carry her like a kid.

"Why- Put.. me.. down, Al.." Brittany mumbles between sobs but Alice doesn't reply. Brittany knows she won't put her down because A) Alice doesn't like to see her cry and B) they live just down the block.

Once again, besides all the times she felt like it during high school, she feels _stupid_. Stupid because she isn't in Lima supporting her friends. Stupid because she isn't in Lima supporting her best friend. And even more stupid because she doesn't have the guts to tell her best friend that she dropped MIT because she's preparing a dance audition to Julliard and a photographic/videography portfolio for another school in New York because she wants to be closer to Santana.

But she should be in Lima. Not just because of Santana but because… Because… She can't even bring herself to think about what happened because in her mind Finn is forever, Finn didn't go anywhere, he's playing the drums for a Rachel song or leading the New Directions to win at Nationals and maybe this time he and Rachel really get married because she still has the pink dress they all bought for the wedding.

Going to Lima now would mean it was real and it isn't. It can't be. Just… can't.

Alice reaches the bed on Brittany's bedroom and lets the blonde slide of her shoulder to fall in the bed. She takes of her leather jacket, moving her arm a bit because her shoulder got sore from carrying Brittany and grabs a chair to sit in front of the.

"Hey…" She says softly but the only reply she gets is a sniff from Brittany. "Babe…" The other insists, placing a warm hand on Brittany's leg for reinforcement.

"Santana…" Brittany sobs. "Santana texted me." She throws her phone to the air and Alice reaches it with a little effort.

The text is still open where Brittany left it and Alice reads it two or three times before the phone starts buzzing in her hand, causing her to jump a little in her chair.

"Kurt is calling you, Britt." She says handing the phone over to Brittany but the blonde turns around in bed and starts crying harder. Alice gets up and closes the bedroom door, picking up the cool. "Hello?"

"_Brittany?"_

"No, it's her roommate, Alice."

"_oh, perdon moi. Is Brittany there?"_

"She's uh…" Alice looks over to the bedroom door and looks down at her own feet. "She's in the shower. Do you want to leave her a message or something?"

"_If you don't mind. Tell her to please call Santana asap because I don't know how to handle her the way Brittany must certainly know. Could tell her that?"_

"Sure, man. I'll tell her right after she steps out of the shower."

"_Thank you Alice, have a nice day."_

"You too, Kurt."

She disconnects the call and opens the bedroom door to see Brittany is still face turned against the bed. Alice doesn't deal well with people crying, especially Brittany but she tries the best she can. Even if the things she does aren't the most appropriate. "Come on blonde butt, go have a shower, you need to call Santana."

Brittany whimpers and curls into the middle of the bed, holding her knees against her chest. She wishes Santana was there because she would know how to make her stop crying but Brittany knows Santana is wishing she was there too because she's the one who knows how to handle Santana.

She starts feeling a warm pair of hands holding her ankle and sliding off her left shoe, slowly and softly. The hands then move to take off her right shoe and Brittany stops holding her knees against her chest, moving her hands slowly towards the end of the bed. Without looking up, she raises one hand and Alice holds her to push Brittany from the bed. She then takes of her jacket and her scarf, placing a light kiss on Brittany's shoulder.

"Shower, now. I'll be waiting for you with two cups of hot chocolate with melted marshmallows."

"Thank you, Al." She turns around, still facing down and hugs her friend tightly. "You're the best."

"Not even close, babe." The other whispers back. "Not even close."

/

Brittany leaves the bathtub and covers herself with her favorite towel. Her cheeks are burning not from the hot water but from crying the whole time. She couldn't stop them, they were too many and she was too weak. She is too weak. When she was with Santana, Brittany always felt like she was strong and good because Santana always came to her for support but now that they're _not _together, Brittany feels weak all the time. Specially now.

If having to remind herself everyday about all the encouragement words Santana always told her but knowing that if she needs, Santana is still there to say them, hurts; she can't even imagine how it must be _hard _for Rachel to remind herself everyday of what Finn used to tell her and knowing that if she needs, he won't be able to say those words… Ever again.

The thought of seeing Santana dating someone else used to terrify Brittany but the thought of losing her like Rachel lost Finn? It's unbearable. She can't bring herself to even put that question in her head because if she does, she'll go running to Santana's arms right now. Maybe that's what she should do. But she can't. She feels like something about Santana is different. Santana doesn't call every night anymore. Neither asks her to go to skype because she's going to prank _Lady Hummel _or _Barbra Berry _and she wants Brittany to see it first-hand.

She cleans the few tears that were escaping her eyes again and shakes the thoughts away. Alice is waiting for her with hot chocolate and she needs to be in her best when she calls Santana because she doesn't want Santana to think that she's upset.

Brittany turns to the closet but nothing seems to be fitting her mood. She then remembers about a shirt she stole from Santana's one day when they were doing laundry together. Isn't something Santana would wear to school and it was so big she used to use it as a pajama shirt. And it was Brittany's favorite because Santana was wearing that same shirt when they first _made love_ as girlfriends girlfriends. She stole it not because Santana wouldn't wear it but because she knows Santana stole one of her shirts too. Or two. Maybe three. She always gave the excuse that Brittany's clothes looked nice on her and she needed to get used for when they moved in together in New York.

After dressing the shirt, Brittany gets a feeling of warmth and comfort. Like Santana is there holding her again. The last time she used the shirt was when she moved to the MIT residence and she was so scared to be there alone that she felt like using it, for the warmth. Even though Santana doesn't touch the shirt for over a year or more, there's a spot on the left side of the chest area that has this sprinkled spot from the day they decided to use all Santana's perfumes and her favorite apparently wasn't made to use on fabric. That spot still smells like Santana. Or probably is just Brittany's brain sending her the memories of how Santana smelled. But every time she brings that spot to her nose, Brittany feels Santana's smell so clearly. Like she's right there. Again. But she's not…

She dresses some jean shorts and her brown shearling boots, even if she already knows Alice will say that if she wants to wear that, she should just use a pair of slippers because they look and must feel the same thing. Before leaving the bedroom, she grabs her phone to text Santana.

_Sanny Bear (heart icon)_

The name is still the same has always and Brittany remembers so clearly the day Santana found out her name was like that on Brittany's phone. Opposite to what she thought would happen, Santana smiled, gave her a soft kiss near the ear and whispered _"You're lucky that you're pretty or I would use my bear claws to make you change that. Instead, give me a bear hug, silly."_

Brittany smiles coyly and sniffs a little, catching the small there falling in the corner of her eye. Everything still feels so unreal and sometimes she wishes she could finish that goddamn time machine to go back to the time where everything was perfect with Santana. Where they used to make sleepovers almost every night, where they already had drawers for each other in each other's closets "just in case", where she could hold Santana's hand whenever she wanted…

/

**I'm right here S. And I never went away. – B**

_Sure… Why did you take so long to reply me, then? – S_

**I was in the shower.**

_Brittany, don't lie to me. You take showers faster than anyone I ever met. And right today you decided to take a one hour and a half shower?_

**You're so cute when you count everything. [delete]  
Fine, I was having coffee with a friend and my phone was home and then I came home to have a shower and only saw your text now…**

_What friend?! [delete]  
It's okay. I'm glad you're here now._

**I wish I really was there. [delete]  
What's wrong, San?**

_I wish you were here, Britt. [delete] I'm fine Britt, just missing you like crazy and wishing you were here. [delete]  
I started crying today, in front of everyone and I feel like I've never been so humiliated in my whole life. Is that wrong enough for you?_

**I love you so much, Santana. You're the strongest person I ever met. [delete]  
I'm wearing your shirt.**

_Oh my god… Please come back, Britt. I need to hug you and kiss you and be with you. [delete]  
Why? And why do you still have it?_

**Because it's the only way to be close to you now. [delete]  
Because it's laundry day and I still had it here. Also because I felt like it was going to make you feel a little better…**

_Having you here would make me feel better. So much better. [delete]  
Yes, it made me feel a bit better... But still doesn't cover the humiliation. They'll think I'm weak now. Or worst, a good person._

**But you are a good person, the best person I ever meet! [delete]  
You a good person, San. I know it doesn't cover anything and probably won't make you feel any better but, can I call you at bedtime?**

_Yes, please. I really need to hear your voice, Britt. I have to go now. I love you. Never forget that. Xoxo S_

**I'll call, then. Love you too. B.**


End file.
